By Abraxan
Reviews
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 1:21pm
Hmm, Soft Focus sounds like something that would be interesting to learn more about. I'm glad to see Ron finally getting somewhere with his transformation. Although now for some reason have the incredible urge to make a pun about 'Hair of the Dog'
Oh, Hermione. Poor Hermione. Poor Harry. Poor Ron. Not a good situation for anyone to be in. Because being war with the most evil person in Britain wasn't quite enough for Harry to be dealing with.
Abraxan replied:
Nope it wasn't QUITE enough for Harry to deal with, you're right! LOL!
Soft focus really is a useful thing. I have information in the Author's Notes for that chapter that tell where I read about it, but I believe it's also used in other sports as well.
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 1:00pm
Oooh, I can't remember much of what happens from here on out! Well, aside from the major things. As you can probably tell from my copious amounts of reviews, I've been enjoying it, but there's nothing like a nice surprise while reading. I can't wait to find out who's behind the poisonings and other miscellaneous assassination attempts. I have a vague idea, but I could be confused with another (far less brilliant) fanfic. Hooray for uncertainty!
Abraxan replied:
Hooray for uncertainty indeed! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I'm enjoying your reviews!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 12:21pm
It's always good to see Fred and George, and their, oh, how to put this, creativity. Dumbledore, is, as always, a fountain of warmth and knowledge, and has inspired me to go and attempt to find some lemon drops. I had a pack the other week, but they never last very long.
Abraxan replied:
In England, they really do have "sherbet lemons" - when my husband and I were there a couple of years ago, my Brit-picker Kelpie and her hubby gave us the guided tour of Yorkshire and Devon, and she bought me some Sherbet Lemons in a shop in one of the towns we visited. I've still got a few of them.
Glad you enjoyed Gred and Forge - they are creative guys, aren't they? LOL!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 12:01pm
Draco really is a slimy, vicious, cold, arrogant son of... and I'm gonna stop there. A well written one, though. I actually felt sorry for Pansy. It's good to see interhouse rivalries slowly being chipped away at.
Also, reading reviews and your responses for chapter 18, after submitting mine, inspired in me an idea which I would write, if I had any writing talent outside of scriptwriting. It involves Dumbledore going to have tea with his two favourite cousins, Auberon and Titania.
Abraxan replied:
If you can write screenplays, you should be able to write dialogue really well! And writing stories shouldn't be much of a stretch either. If you have a story idea, write it down and play with it - you don't have to show it to anyone else. If you come up with something you really like, THEN show it to someone else for their input, but there's nothing wrong with writing things just to satisfy yourself. I write poetry that way - I don't write poetry often, but I don't show it to anyone - it's just for me ( usually when I'm trying to work my way through a problem, so there's too much personal stuff in the poem to make them suitable for others to read).
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 11:41am
Am I right in assuming you have owned horses before? You seem to be quite well-informed about their injuries. I've never owned one (A combination of a severe allergy and living in the suburbs will do that), but my late great aunt, being the ex-chairperson of the New Zealand RSPCA, always had one or two, along with the rest of her menagerie, and now I'm not sure where I'm going with this review. Oh well. Chalk another mark up to the realism score. Also, your Hagrid is brilliant. Not that I need to tell you that.
Abraxan replied:
I've owned horses all my life. I used to train hunter/jumpers and give lessons. Our daughter is now a dressage trainer. I've just started riding dressage in the last year and have a wonderful new horse, a half-Andalusian named El Paso Aricos who's just amazing!
Glad you like my Hagrid - his dialect is hard for me to write, just as Dobby's is. I'm glad you think he turned out well!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 11:22am
I think I've figured out one of the many reasons your fanfiction is so much better than most others. Your OCs. They're all well-developed and realistic people. Usually I'm not a fan of OCs, but I'd read a story about Joyero or Dervish or the Ashers. In fact, I intend to read your original work as soon as I can find a copy of it.
Abraxan replied:
What a nice thing to say! I enjoyed creating my OCs - I'm glad you like them so well!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 9:43am
Am I correct in thinking that this is the first truly 'Dark' scene in the story? It's remarkably well written. Sickening, really. First instance of the visceral brutality the Death Eaters get up to. I find that, in Canon, there isn't really enough to make you hate the Death Eaters. I mean, sure, you're told they're bad guys, but there's nothing like this to really show you.
Abraxan replied:
I think it probably is the first truly dark scene in the story other than the attack in Little Whinging when Casey and her family were killed - but that happened 'off camera" and this is shown. I wanted the reader to understand why the DEs are so terrible. JKR doens't really establish that, as you said.
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 8:07am
I'm digging the multiple transformations. Phoenix!Harry is particularly loveable. It's great how he just seems so embarrassed when he's stuck as a Phoenix.
Abraxan replied:
I had so much fun writing that scene where Harry was stuck as a phoenix! I sat here laughing all by myself! Glad you liked it!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 4:59pm
The usual: Goes for the Creeveys, too. And Hermione. And Madam Pomfrey.
The not-so-usual:
I enjoyed Hermione kicking Millicent, the Creeveys stunning Draco, and the very presence of Neville (One of my favourite characters, who you also do incredibly well). I'm glad that the story has reached the 'Hogwarts' Stage, and am looking forward to all that the year will bring.
Abraxan replied:
I'm glad you're enjoying the way I've writtenthe characters!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 3:44pm
Having never had quite as huge a growth spurt as Harry, I can't say I know exactly how he feels, but the size of first year students has been a subject of much amusement among my friends and I. Just another step you've taken to making Harry a truly realistic Teenager.
And speaking of Harry, I'm always impressed with how you handle Harry's blooming celebrity status. I can't see why you'd think we would find fault with it. Seems perfectly realistic to me.
Abraxan replied:
My handling of Harry's celebrity status actually IS realistic - I know some actors and used things I heard from them to help me write the fangirl kind of stuff.
I had a growth spurt like Harry's when I was 9 - I went from being a little girl to being 5'4" tall in the span of a few months (I got stretch marks from growing so fast). My legs ached so badly when I was growing, I still remember the feeling. My daughter's legs were terribly painful when she was on her growth spurt too. I'm glad you think I'm making Harry a realistic teenager! That was my goal!!
Thanks for writing!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 3:21pm
I suppose you're getting sick of all this by now, but you also write an excellent Snape. I'm going to keep this comment brief, but it is so good to see Harry joking again. Also, your Dumbledore feels much more grandfatherly than the one in Canon ever did. It's been a while since I last read ToD, but I seem to recall there's a good reason for that. Anyway, I'm looking forward to Harry getting back to Hogwarts. Next Chapter, AWAY!
Abraxan replied:
I'm glad you like my Snape and that you find Dumbledore grandfatherly! I had fun writing them!
And I don't get tired of reading comments about my stories! thanks for writing!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 3:05pm
I'm in two minds about the Refiners Fire. One half of me likes the idea, telling me it's a good, believeable way of making Harry stronger, the other half tells me it's contrived and unrealistic. I'm going to ignore the other half, I think. Hell, it's not even half. More like the dissenting, unsatisfiable, cynic within me. Who's not a fun person. I've not seen something like this done before (or if I have, it's ripping you off), and it was written very well. It sounds incredibly painful, and is a good way of giving Harry incredible powers without being too easy, or a cop-out. Ok, that's my scrambled thoughts for another chapter.
Abraxan replied:
The Refiner's Fire idea is based on how gold is refined - you melt the raw gold and skim off the impurities, leaving the pure gold behind. It seemed a good way to "evolve" Harry's magic.
Yeah, I imagine there are folks out there ripping off my ideas - I've seen my stories uploaded to sites with other people's names on them as author - uploaded verbatim!! I let the sites know and the people were banned, but one person did it over and over and over on various sites, but my readers caught him/her every time and I nailed him/her as soon as I heard about it. That particular person finally stopped, but good grief!!! What a pain!
Thanks for writing!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 2:43pm
As with previous chapters, I again liked the mood swings in this chapter. It captures what it's like for Harry, helps us understand it, if only at a fraction of the pain Harry is experiencing.
The funeral scene was touching, Harry's Euolgy had me tearing up,(as much as it embarasses me as a 17 year old boy to say that), but the scene with Mr Verre being out-negotiated by Hermione had me laughing. It's emotionally draining! I'm going to need to watch some sort of violent movie tonight to re-establish my masculinity. Or, I could keep reading for the next 6 or 7 hours. Which would be more fun.
Abraxan replied:
ROTFL! You have to watch a violent movie to re-establish your masculinity?? That's so funny! I like to read stories that have a rhythm to them, giving the reader a rest after an intense scene, for instance, so I try to write that way. Plus it does suit Harry's life pretty well. Star Sons doesn't have as many mood swings as these stories, because the heroes are different in several ways from Harry. Don't worry about your masculinity, though - I've had lots of men, many much older than you, have the same reaction to that chapter!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 2:09pm
I must sound like a broken record by now, but you also do a fantastic job with Fred and George. As well as characters, you also have a real flair for believable dialogue. Whenever I try and write dialogue, it all sounds real enough, but all my characters talk like I do, which gets a little tedious.
You also get bonus kudos for having a Ron who's not only a believable teenager, but also one who has moments of intelligence and emotional depths.
The swinging from angst to laughter back to angst again is both touching and realistic, and also incredibly sad.
Speaking of incredibly sad, when one lives in New Zealand, it is quite a lot of effort, and costs a lot in shipping to purchase books over Amazon. So I checked my local internet bookstore, and I found a copy of Star Sons: Dawn of the Two for around $50, which is quite a lot for a paperback book which I will undoubtedly devour within a day or two, especially when I'm a poor unemployed student. So, I'm working on finding a copy of your book, but it's proving tough. I may yet just bite the bullet and use Amazon.
Abraxan replied:
Star Sons is available through Amazon.co.uk - it's printed in the UK as well as the US, which is SUPPOSED to make it more accessible to people in other countries. If you can't find it for a more reasonable price, let me know and we'll see how much shipping is from here (Ohio) to there, and you can buy it from me for the cost of the book plus the cost of the shipping and packaging. Thanks for your interest! I'm currently revising, editing and polishing teh second novel in the star Sons series - I hope to have it available by summer, but don't hold your breath - everything takes longer than I think it will!!
I just LOVE Fred and George! They're such fun to write! So's Tonks, actually. I'm glad you liked what I did with them!
To write dialogue, I actually sit and talk the scene out, believe it or not. I get the characters talikng inside my head and their voices just emerge on the page - they usually require some editing - Fred and George do like to run away with scenes, as you can imagine (because they're so fun to write). But that's how I do it. Dunno if my method would work for anyone else or not but it works for me.
You can email me at Abraxan@yahoo.com if you want to order Star Sons through me - I'll have to know where it's being shipped to so I can figure out the shipping costs.
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 1:32pm
I really like the film scene. Ron is very in character, and I really enjoy the bits of interaction we see between the trio and Casey.
And here it is, the moment I've been dreading. Even on my third re-read, I still get sad when some of my favourite OCs in fanfiction are forcibly shuffled off their mortal coil.
Again, I'm repeating myself, but you do a brilliant Remus. I like him far more here than I did in Deathly Hallows. The same goes for Ginny. She's a very strong person here.
Poor Harry. Life doesn't treat him very well, does it? At least we know that he has the comfort of Ginny in his near future.
Abraxan replied:
Thank you so much! Yeah, I didn't like what JKR did with Remus at all. He wasn't the man he should've been in canon. And she NEVER developed Ginny into someone who would interest a complex character like Harry other than saying she was pretty and showing a little bit of her temper.
Nope, life doesn't treat Harry very well, not until he beats Voldie. Thanks for writing!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 1:09pm
No really insightful comments to make for this chapter, so I'm just going to say 'Good chapter' and leave it at that.
Actually, I lie. I'm going to say that I disagree with anyone calling Casey a Mary Sue. She does seem almost perfect, but she actually has a proper personality, and is a good character. I suppose any perfection could be explained away by it being from Harry's point of view, and them being in the 'Honeymoon' period. Ok, that's my 2 knuts worth on this chapter.
Abraxan replied:
Thanks for that! No, she's not a "Mary Sue" - I didn't insert myself into this story at all. She does have some flaws, but you're right, this story is told from Harry's POV for the most part, and he thinks she's just about perfect - so the reader sees her as Harry sees her. Well spotted!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 12:31pm
It seems like most of my reviews are just me saying how much I like the way you've written the characters. So I'm just going to make a blanket statement. I love the way you've written all the canon characters. They're In Character, but also have their differences to canon. Tonks is especially good, and so is Kingsley. And I'm still dreading the doom and gloom that's about to bring the idyll crashing down. In a good way.
-Dave
Abraxan replied:
"dreading . . . in a good way" - ROTFL! I'm glad you like what I've done with the characters! I tried to evolve them in the way I thought JKR was going to take them - in many cases, I anticipated what she was going to do (I had Remus and Tonks as a couple before she did, for instance). Thanks a lot!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 11:57am
It's always nice to see a story which actually uses Celsius. It's interesting to note how little time you dedicate to the OWLS. It's usually a much bigger deal.
Dave
Abraxan replied:
I tried to write as "British" as I could, including researching locations and everything. Using Celsius was necessary! And the OWLs didn't have much impact on the story I was telling, so I didn't see a need to emphasize them.
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Monday 12th January 2009 11:26am
I really do despise Rita, especially the way you wrote her. On a happier note, I still love the way you wrote Remus, and I'm also a fan of your Dumbledore.
In fact, I really do think I enjoy your ending to Harry Potter more than Canon.
Abraxan replied:
Thank you very much! Yeah, I wrote Rita to be extra-despicable. It was fun to make her so horrible, and then give her the comeuppance that I give her MUCH later in the books.
I just love my version of Remus - he's just what Harry needed. Too bad JKR didn't give the poor boy that kind of relationship! She REALLY enjoyed making Harry suffer!!
Thanks for writing!
Abraxan
Dragnew posted a comment on Tuesday 13th January 2009 1:34pm
Abraxan replied: